I don’t recall the exact liturgical date that the Holy Spirit invaded my innermost being in a most frightening yet extraordinarily loving way, that brought me back into the fulness of the Catholic Church, the Church that Jesus began. I was so overcome
emotionally with this gift I was given and the further unfolding of this gift that continued for months, that the closest I can pinpoint the beginning of this life redeeming event is sometime between Easter and Pentecost. Now it would be wonderful to assume that it was Pentecost and it may very well have been, but I just can’t be sure.
I have been asked on many occasions in various ways, “why did the Holy Spirit make Himself known to you?” The best answer I can come up with is, because I asked. I would sit there in that uncomfortable pew, three quarters of the way back of the Church, and week after week, month after month, year after year I would say to myself, “there has got to be more to this than just this!” Each week in my mind I would ask, plead, shout, pout, demand. I would be angry, disillusioned, bored, distant, frustrated, on and on and on. The longer it went on, the more determined I was to know the answer. Is this real? Is this true? The resurrection? Does the bread and wine really transform into the body and blood of Jesus? Is there more to this (the Mass) than just this (what I was seeing)?
And on that day, He answered me. On that day, the Holy Spirit filled me with the fire of His Love so fully, so completely and answered my every question with a single word. Yes. That fire of Love in my heart lasted several months as the Holy Spirit unfolded His gifts to me and every moment in Church was a love affair as He poured His pure, unconditional Love on me. I was unsure of what was happening but after the initial fear subsided, I gave in and welcomed His redemptive gift.
When speaking about my reversion story, I begin with, “if someone told me my story before it happened to me, I wouldn’t have believed them.” I was so lost in the world and skeptical of just about everything. When I look back on my experience, it does tend to stretch the imagination. I think about the apostles and the others locked in that room after Jesus ascended, as they awaited this “Holy Spirit.” Their imaginations must have been stretched trying to figure out what Jesus meant. The fear and apprehension that must have filled their beings and the thoughts that raced through their minds as they waited. And on that day of Pentecost, when they first laid eyes on the tongues of fire above them, for a moment, their hearts racing with fear, then that fear replaced with unconditional Love and the gifts of the Holy Spirit that gave them the strength and the courage to go out and proclaim Christ Crucified and to build His Church, the Catholic Church and go to their deaths proclaiming resurrection.
I was given this gift and my eyes and heart were opened to the Truth. In many ways I didn’t know what I was asking for. And I certainly did not realize the ramifications of those answers. I was given the Truth. That Jesus is the way, the truth and the life. He is the only way to the Father. Jesus proclaims Himself one with the Father and the Spirit. And if that is the Truth, and it is, then I must follow Him, His Church, and all He proclaims.